So you're definitely not a crow?

So you're definitely not a crow?


No! I'm a dog. I hate crows. In fact, I spied on the crows for my master, Lord Newman.

OK, then, I'm not going to eat you. But I am so hungry.


There are lots of penguins you could eat.

I think I ate them all already.


I heard there was frozen pizza in the basement of the Vatican. We could look there.

Really? What's a Vatican?


I'm not sure, but it's in a big Ice Palace not too far away.

What's pizza?


I'm not really sure ... but the humans seem to like it.

Are there humans there, too? My only friends -- besides you -- were humans.


Yes, lots of humans. My master, the complaining football man, the bald hungry guy, the Marge lady ...

Marge? I hate Marge.


Not Marge, exactly. She calls herself Mrs. Egram.

Mrs.Egram ... from the alternate timeline? She's my friend. We shared an interphasic elevator ride before I was consumed by a transphasic bubble and obtained self-awareness and the ability to reason and speak.


Well, she's in the Vatican with the other elevator humans. They came through the toilet.

Toilet travel. ... How distasteful. I must warn Mrs. Egram and the others that Bramwell is here.

Bramwell? Dios mio! We should hurry!

How did you become self-aware?


I don't know. Am I?

Who's Bramwell?

Our plan to stop Marge seems to have some holes in it.

Hell, that's cause we don't have a damn plan.

We should arrange ourselves into working units.

You mean teams. T-E-A-M-S. Emphasis on the M and the E.

That's fine by me.

I shall take Karl, Truman and, I suppose, this green fellow.

This green fellow has a name. It's Green Guy.

Whatever. I'll take The Player and Atown.

I'm not goin' anywhere with this damn secret agent maniac.

OK. Fine. I'll take Atown and Newman.

Hold it right there, mortal. It's Lord Newman and I will be the captain of my own team. And I pick The Player and Atown.

I'm not goin' anywhere with damn Newman, either!

Newman can have the bald guy, then.

Oh, fun!

Well, I'm, not going anywhere till we find my dog.

That's OK. We can wait. ... We need more team members. ... We need a dirty dozen.

We could ask Bramwell. I met him in the basement.

Bramwell!?!?

Hey, the Green Guy just fainted. ... Who's Bramwell? He sounds fun.

A necessary sacrifice

Voila! This is where I lost the transpolar destabilizer.


So you fought with a dinosaur and fell through that crevice into the frozen vaults of the South Pole Vatican and survived?


Indeed. ... But it was more of a crevace.


Epic!


This device will allow us to free the Great White Crow from its transphasic fetters.


Awesome. ... Why are we doing that again?


The Great White Crow is a venerated symbol for crows everywhere. It will unite all crows to our cause.


Right! ... And what is our cause again exactly?


Our cause is to bring about the Apocalypse, destroying the human world and replacing it with a world governed by crows.


Oh! A world ruled by crows. Awesome! ... And that's a good idea ... why?


Because a world ruled by crows would be better, obviously.


Ah, I see. Obviously. ... And how do we bring about this Apocalypse?


The immense Parallel power of the Great White Crow, if brought to non-Parallel Time, would create a catasrophic transphasic vaccum, obliterating both Parallel and non-Parallel Time.


Obliterating, theoretically, us as well?


Of course. ... A necessary sacrifice.


Completely necessary, of course. ... Um, but won't the crows be obliterated?

Not all of them. The Realm of the Really Big Crows will not be affected.

Ah! ... The realm of the really big crows. ... Why is that?

The shish kebob theory, of course.


Shish kebob, right. You know ... I'm thinking maybe I'll sit this one out.


Are you saying you do not want to be a part of the glorious birth of the Crow Millennium?


Nah. I think I'll quit while I'm a head.