Pardon me sir, and I use that term most sarcastically, we demand to be transported to Non-Parallel Allentown.
Impossible. The interphasic plumbing is all bollocksed up. I'm afraid the recent incursions have completely shut down interdimensional travel. Unacceptable. We have been brought here against our will and we are determined to continue to our final destination: I demand to speak with your superior. I suspect it won't be diffcult to find one. There must be a list, a very long one, comprising quite very many names.I'm a bloody dues-paying, card-carrying heavenly saint. Recently promoted at that. You'd like to talk to my superior? I bet you bloody well would wouldn't you? You and a few billion others.Well, Saint Onslow. I am a full-fledged semidemon from an alternate timeline with a questionable attitude. I carry no cards and pay no dues. However, I impale feeble-minded bureaucrats who stand in my way, much as you are doing at this moment. ... I demand to be transported. I shan't ask nicely again.Listen, Mrs. Marge or whatever you call yourself in your alternate timeline. I would like nothing better than see you swirling around in one of those toilets, but the system is down! It simply does not work. ---Beep! Beep! Beep!--- Ah, who the bloody hell is calling me now? ... Hello? Yes sir.
Have you tracked down Bramwell yet?Ah! Mr. Christ I presume?Who is that, Onslow?It's Marge, sir. She's makin a fuss about not being able to get to Non-Parallel Allentown.Marge?!?Not Marge Marge, sir. That other one. Mrs. Egram. ... She would like a word.No way. Tell her I'm not here.I can hear you, Mr. Christ. All powerful, indeed.Listen dude. If she wants to go in the toilet, by all means let her go in the toilet. Call me back when she's gone. Later.Copy that, sir. ... Good news Mrs. E. You're on your way to Non-Parallel Allentown! No charge. Into the toilets with the lot of ya!
It's about time. ... Gentlemen, look sharp. We are about to meet our destiny!Donovan, hit the switch!
They're off! What a grand adventure!It's going to be a rough ride, I'll tell you that. Damn glad to be rid of that lot.
Excuse me? May I have some more TP, please? I'm having a bit of a rough ride myself. Straight away Mr. Z. Coming right up. I'll bring you some tea and more of those finger sandwiches you like, as well. Gotta keep up your energy!Thank you. And don't skimp on the fingers this time!How long has he been in here?Oh, a couple of hours now. Stall No. 3. He's my best customer. ... Hey, how long before the Egram party reaches Non-Parallel Allentown?Allentown? Not bloody likely. I sent 'em to the South Pole. ... Wait a sec ... did you say Stall No. 3???Oh my Lord! Mr. Z! Don't flush!!!!!
This isn't what I ordered.
