Alright Paddy, keep it quiet and follow me. Luckily I have just the right key for this rusty old lock. Actually I got one key and it works on any old lock I want it to. But wait till ya see the high-tech gizmos we got inside.
You know, lad, an Irishman might consider that a pejorative term.
What, gizmo? ... Oh, for cryin' out loud, a sensitive demon. If ya didn't notice I'm a devil, not Miss Manners. ... Watch your step down the steps there, pal. We're on our way to hell, not an ice cream social. ... Jeez, they keep a lotta junk around here. ...
Some day ye may live regret that attitude, lad.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. I live in hell, remember? Check this out -- ocular recognition sensor. This little thingee scans my eyeball and --
bam -- the door opens and we're in. This is top-of-line stuff right here. I hear in heaven they're still using freakin' swipe cards. Ha! ... After you.
So where are we anyway?
We're on the road to hell, of course. It starts right here in the basement of Croc Rock ... Watch your head. ... There used to be an entrance in Hary's but the city shut us down. ... One more door down the end of this hall and we'll be outta here. ... Another ocular sensor -- I love these things -- and
voila!
So this is hell is it, lad? What are these, the warehouses of the damned?
This, nah. This is Macungie. A lotta people make that mistake. ... So what do you plan to do about Marge when you get to non-Parallel Time?
Marge. ... Well I suppose I have to kill her haven't I?
What, for eating you? Man, she musta been hungry. I mean what's the point? ... It wasn't actually you she swallowed, it was the non-parallel you. You, the parallel you that is, went on to live a long and full life of nastiness and evil. ... I mean, she already died in non-Parallel Time. Isn't that enough?
Ye wouldn't understand, devil. Me whole life I looked up to me dear departed sister and to find out now that I was just a snack to her ... nothing more than a bag of crisps.
Sucks to be you, granted. But what do you expect to do with her, whine her to death? She's one badass demon blogger, even if she is frozen in time at the moment. I hear she's like 13 feet tall. I hope you have a big appetite.
Tell me more about this sea monster she's fighting. Can it kill her?
The sea monster? A nasty piecea work, no doubt, but no match for Marge. I mean if she's losing the fight, she'll just get bigger. I wouldn't want to be in non-parallel Allentown right now I'll tell ya that. She'll be tossing buses around if she grows any more.
Ah, but right now she's frozen in time. ... She can't move. And when I get to Parallel Time I'll be able to move just fine, correct?
Absolutely. You'll be free to move about as you please in non-Parallel Time, even if everyone else is frozen. Actually, I hear your pal the Irish Tenor has the run of the place as we speak. In fact, there may not be any beer left. ... Ah, hold up. It's a check point.
State the nature of your business here.
Official transport. Scan my eye, it's all there. ... Hurry it up, Rin Tin Tin, we're on a schedule.
Everything seems to be in order. Have a nice day.
So ye can travel wherever ye like with that eye scanner?
You bet. Check it out: TJI Fridays. This is really cool. We're in the basement of TJI Fridays right now, but when we go upstairs, we'll be in Applebee's, when we walk out the front door, turn around and check out the sign: Bennigan's.
Bennigan's ... a ghastly fake Irish pub. I thought they went out of business.
Not in hell. The damned can't get enough of it. The Monte Cristo is a big seller -- and why not, you can only die once, right? ... Hang on, we're gettin on that LANTA bus. ... Two please. ... So what's the plan, ya gonna to kill her while she's frozen in time?
That wouldn't be sportin' would it? ... No I plan to fight her meself. To the death.
Well, ah, good luck with that. ... We're almost to our stop. ... If you don't mind me askin, what exactly are your demon powers? I mean, I don't see a lot goin on here. Aside from your breath and an extremely devious nature, what do you have to go up against Marge with?
Have ye ever heard of the Celtic warrior Cúchulainn, lad?
Nope. Here we are. This is our stop. The Federal Grill. Let's go around the back. Gotta use the old key on this outside door. ... There. We're in. Watch your step down the stairs. ... See this tunnel? It leads right to basement of non-parallel Croc Rock. Non-Parallel hell is just past that door down there.
Well, I suppose we part soon, then. At any rate I expect you'll be hearin about Cúchulainn soon enough. ... Oh, I nearly forgot. I don't know where me head has been lately. ... I'll be needin' these, lad.
AHHHHHHHH! Jesus crap! You yanked my eye out, you crazy bastard. ... And he took my master key! Hey!!
State the nature of your business in non-parallel hell.
Strictly pleasure, lads.
Enjoy your stay in hell.
Alright Paddy, keep it quiet and follow me. Luckily I have just the right key for this rusty old lock. Actually I got one key and it works on any old lock I want it to. But wait till ya see the high-tech gizmos we got inside.
You know, lad, an Irishman might consider that a pejorative term.
What, gizmo? ... Oh, for cryin' out loud, a sensitive demon. If ya didn't notice I'm a devil, not Miss Manners. ... Watch your step down the steps there, pal. We're on our way to hell, not an ice cream social. ... Jeez, they keep a lotta junk around here. ...
Some day ye may live regret that attitude, lad.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. I live in hell, remember? Check this out -- ocular recognition sensor. This little thingee scans my eyeball and -- bam -- the door opens and we're in. This is top-of-line stuff right here. I hear in heaven they're still using freakin' swipe cards. Ha! ... After you.
So where are we anyway?
We're on the road to hell, of course. It starts right here in the basement of Croc Rock ... Watch your head. ... There used to be an entrance in Hary's but the city shut us down. ... One more door down the end of this hall and we'll be outta here. ... Another ocular sensor -- I love these things -- and voila!
So this is hell is it, lad? What are these, the warehouses of the damned?
This, nah. This is Macungie. A lotta people make that mistake. ... So what do you plan to do about Marge when you get to non-Parallel Time?
Marge. ... Well I suppose I have to kill her haven't I?
What, for eating you? Man, she musta been hungry. I mean what's the point? ... It wasn't actually you she swallowed, it was the non-parallel you. You, the parallel you that is, went on to live a long and full life of nastiness and evil. ... I mean, she already died in non-Parallel Time. Isn't that enough?
Ye wouldn't understand, devil. Me whole life I looked up to me dear departed sister and to find out now that I was just a snack to her ... nothing more than a bag of crisps.
Sucks to be you, granted. But what do you expect to do with her, whine her to death? She's one badass demon blogger, even if she is frozen in time at the moment. I hear she's like 13 feet tall. I hope you have a big appetite.
Tell me more about this sea monster she's fighting. Can it kill her?
The sea monster? A nasty piecea work, no doubt, but no match for Marge. I mean if she's losing the fight, she'll just get bigger. I wouldn't want to be in non-parallel Allentown right now I'll tell ya that. She'll be tossing buses around if she grows any more.
Ah, but right now she's frozen in time. ... She can't move. And when I get to Parallel Time I'll be able to move just fine, correct?
Absolutely. You'll be free to move about as you please in non-Parallel Time, even if everyone else is frozen. Actually, I hear your pal the Irish Tenor has the run of the place as we speak. In fact, there may not be any beer left. ... Ah, hold up. It's a check point.
State the nature of your business here. 
Official transport. Scan my eye, it's all there. ... Hurry it up, Rin Tin Tin, we're on a schedule. 
Everything seems to be in order. Have a nice day.
So ye can travel wherever ye like with that eye scanner?
You bet. Check it out: TJI Fridays. This is really cool. We're in the basement of TJI Fridays right now, but when we go upstairs, we'll be in Applebee's, when we walk out the front door, turn around and check out the sign: Bennigan's.
Bennigan's ... a ghastly fake Irish pub. I thought they went out of business.
Not in hell. The damned can't get enough of it. The Monte Cristo is a big seller -- and why not, you can only die once, right? ... Hang on, we're gettin on that LANTA bus. ... Two please. ... So what's the plan, ya gonna to kill her while she's frozen in time? 
That wouldn't be sportin' would it? ... No I plan to fight her meself. To the death.
Well, ah, good luck with that. ... We're almost to our stop. ... If you don't mind me askin, what exactly are your demon powers? I mean, I don't see a lot goin on here. Aside from your breath and an extremely devious nature, what do you have to go up against Marge with?
Have ye ever heard of the Celtic warrior Cúchulainn, lad?
Nope. Here we are. This is our stop. The Federal Grill. Let's go around the back. Gotta use the old key on this outside door. ... There. We're in. Watch your step down the stairs. ... See this tunnel? It leads right to basement of non-parallel Croc Rock. Non-Parallel hell is just past that door down there.
Well, I suppose we part soon, then. At any rate I expect you'll be hearin about Cúchulainn soon enough. ... Oh, I nearly forgot. I don't know where me head has been lately. ... I'll be needin' these, lad.
AHHHHHHHH! Jesus crap! You yanked my eye out, you crazy bastard. ... And he took my master key! Hey!!
State the nature of your business in non-parallel hell.
Strictly pleasure, lads. 
Enjoy your stay in hell. 
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