Thursday, October 20, 2011

Lord Newman has gone rogue




Thank you for calling The Pew Works. Green Devil speaking.

Satan? Yes I'll accept the charges. ... Boss? Am I ever glad you called me back.

Here? ... A little rainy, but pleasant. About 68. What? Sorry, I didn't catch the dew point. ... The eye? It's good, thanks. Doesn't hurt at all. I hardly miss it.

Um, listen. The reason I called earlier is ... Huh? Gadhafi? ... I haven't heard. ... Is he late? Uh-huh. Right.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about Lord Newman. It seems he's gone rogue on us. Mmm hmm. Rogue. I said Lord Newman has gone rogue. ... Yeah. It means he's gone over to the other side. ... No, I never saw "The Hustler."

What do we do? How do I know he's gone rogue? ... I just got a message from my source at the South Pole Vatican. Yeah. South Pole. ... That's where Lord Newman is. Really. Yeah. With the pope. ... The pope. I said pope. With a P. ... Yeah him. No, I don't like him either. Yeah, tell me about it.

A vacation? You think maybe he's just taking a vacation? In the South Pole? I really doubt that, sir.

Oh! And here's some more crappy news. Before he left he reinstated free wings night in Parallel Heaven. What was that? Um, Thursday. Yeah, Thursday. And they got half price tacos on Tuesday. Half price. ... Huh? No, the guacamole is extra. ...Yes, the Celestial Lockdown Protocols are still in place. ... What was that? ... I think you have a choice of chicken or beef. No, rice would probably be extra, too.

One last thing. My mole says Bramwell B. Bramwell Esq. has been spotted near the South Pole Vatican. ... A lawyer? No, he's not a lawyer. He's the Emperor of the Crows. ... Esq.? It's just a title. Hmm? He probably made it up. Um, yeah sure. You should definitely have a title too, Satan. ... No. I don't know what the B. stands for. I'll see if I can find out.

Great White Crow? Never heard of him. ... Can I get a message to Bramwell? Possibly. I can try. ... You think Bramwell would do that? OK, awesome. You got it, boss.

Tuesday night? Yeah. I'm free. OK, you're on. I'll see ya then. Later.

Jeez. What a ditz.

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