All part of God's plan

Hell, no! I'm not goin anywhere with goddam Newman.

That's Lord Newman. Now, bow before me.

Hell, no! You're no damn lord of mine!

Come on! Agent Bauer says he wants us to go to Antarctica with Lord Newman. We promised to do what he said or else he'd torture us.

You two are torturing me right now. Besides, the damn note says Antartica. There's no such place.

It was just a typo.

This bastard fooled Jesus into putting him in charge of Parallel Heaven. Then he canceled half-price wings! Not to mention he got my butt kicked outta real Heaven and had Jesus send me to the damn North Pole. ... The Player's not going back to any damn North Pole!

Listen, this is all part of God's plan. Jesus himself wants you to follow me. ... Besides, Antarctica is the South Pole.

Damn! ... Well I ain't riding in any damn more toilets.

We won't have to travel through the toilets. But first we need to make a stop. Wear this disguise -- you'll look like an acolyte.

An astronaut??? I look like Harry damn Potter!

Hey! When do I get my damn money?

You wouldn't dare!

-POP!-

Caw! Where are we?

The Ice Age?

We must be at the South Pole in Parallel Time as Lord Bramwell had planned.

One thing I know is, now I'm hungry.

Caw! You wouldn't dare!

Oh, I think I would.

Pull the bloody lever!

You, in the soiled wifebeater. I said, I take it we are not dead.


Who the bloody hell are you?

Mmmm. This here's Mrs. Egram. She don't like to be called Ol' Marge.


Marge?!?! Like that bloody monster who's destroying Non-Parallel Allentown?

I was that Marge until 1865 when these, ahem, gentlemen altered the course of time and my life vectored into an alternate reality. ...


... So instead of eating her little brother Ronan while they were trapped, briefly, in a cave after a rock slide, incorporating his evil into hers, and traveling to Allentown to kill Atown Liker, steal his blog and destroy Allentown, she lived quietly in Hungary ...

Turkey.


... Turkey, sorry, only occasionally impaling the local officials and process servers there. Now she's here to help us stop Marge.

Smashing!


All very fascinating I'm sure, but where the hell is Bramwell?

Taking note that you have yet to answer my initial question and you are quite objectionable in both demeanor and appearance, I would sadly like to report to you that dear, brave Mr. Bramwell perished at the hands, or claws and beaks as it were, of the Really Big Crows while saving our lives, provided of course that we are, indeed, alive.

I reckon we's alive cause I gotta make water. Hmmm. Reminds me of a joke.

Jolly good! Step right this way, sir! If you've come for a pee, you've come to the right place. All of our stalls are open at the moment except for No. 4 and all of our state-of-the-art urination devices are at your disposal. Perhaps you'd like a spot of tea, or a sandwich while you relieve yourself?

Mmm. I could do with some french fried potaters.

Splendid! Coming right up. Now do tell me that joke of yours....

He's a cheerful fellow.

... Listen, you say Bramwell was killed by the bloody crows? You must be daft. Bramwell is the Lord of the Crows.

Impossible. We saw them peck out his eye!


Eye or no eye. It's true. And he's duped you into helping him reach the Realm of the Really Big Crows in this broken down old elevator.

What does he want with these Really Big Crows?


I'm afraid that's above my pay grade.

St. Onslow? Would you take a look the control board. Something's off.

Blimey! Somebody's still in the system! It's probably Bramwell! Now we've got 'im! Pull the bloody lever!

Damn, your show sucks

This must be the place.

It says so there in the air.

How do you do that?

I'm Lord Newman, that's how. ... How is it the Player has a show on the TV Chef Network?

He's been staying over there since we washed up here in Parallel Time. They figured they might as well give him a show. They gave everybody else one.

Shhh. I think they're taping.

Hi everybody. I'm The Player from Non-Parallel Time and welcome to my damn show, "The Un-Paralleled Player." I thought up that damn damn name myself. My guest today is The Player from Parallel Time. My first question: Damn, you're green.

Damn right I'm green. Don't I get some damn cup of coffee or something?

Damn, you drink coffee? You call yourself an athlete? The Player doesn't drink any damn coffee.

Then howbout some damn water?

You can get your own damn water with all the damn money you make. What do I look like, some kinda damn waterboy?

Damn, your show sucks.

My damn show is 10 times better than your damn show.

I get paid for this, right? Where's my damn money?

Where's your damn money? Where's my damn money? You don't get paid till you answer my damn questions about nutrition. What kind stuff do you eat?

I drink some damn protein shakes and I eat some damn protein bars.

What else?

I'd drink some damn water if you weren't too damn cheap to give me some.

Damn! ... Well, that's all the damn time we got, folks. Tune in next week when I'll be talkin to somebody damn else. ... Now get the hell off my set.

As soon as I get my damn money.

Hmm. That was better than I expected.