Wednesday, June 30, 2010

You've come to kill me


Lord Newman?


Approach me.
My name is. ...


I know who you are. You've come to kill me, haven't you?
Um ... hi. Well, yes, I suppose I did, but killing you is actually on the back burner at the moment.


I'm so glad to hear that. So cut to the chase. Why are you here?

Thank you for not speaking so big. ... Well, first, I would like to formally request that you reinstate Christmas as a holiday in Parallel Time.


No. What else you got?

Well ... I received this note from Agent Bauer.




He spelled Antarctica wrong. That's not like him.

You know Agent Bauer?


I'm aware of his work. I'm aware, for instance, that he came here to Parallel Time with you and The Player on a mission to kill me. ... In our defense we had planned to torture you first...


Save it, hypocrite!
Hypocrite?


You, who go on about the Christmas spirit at one moment and contemplate torture and killing at the next! Would your precious Santa Claus torture and murder people?
Have you met him?


Would Jesus?
Well ... no. But he's probably mad that you double-crossed him ...


Double-crossed? Would you be surprised if I told you Jesus sent me here on a mission to thwart the crows? And that our falling out was merely a ruse?

Um ... Would I be surprised that Jesus sent you here on a mission to thwart the crows, or that your falling out was a ruse, or that you told me about the mission, the ruse or both?


All of it. Um ... yes?

Come with me, idiot.

Where?


We're going to the South Pole.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Happy holidays!



I would like to speak with Lord Newman, please.


Oh, of course you would.

Yes, thank you, I would. I don't have much time, so please hurry. ... And a Merry Christmas to you.


Merry Christmas? There is no more Christmas in Parallel Time, bub.

Christmas lives on within all of us, my good fellow. I'm sure even you would see it if you looked into your heart.


Security, we got live one here. ... Let's see if we can do something about that.


Green Devil? ... What's going on out there?


Nothing to worry about, Lord Newman. Just another whacko. This one is babbling about Christmas. We're going to put him out of his misery.


Christmas? What does this person look like?


Um ... He's got a sword and a hot dog and he's wearing a hunter's cap ...


... tied with a colorful bandana?


Um ... yeah.


Send him right in. We have some things to discuss.


Ah, for cripes sake. ... Lord Newman will see you now. Go ahead in, nutjob.

Thank you, my green friend. Happy holidays!

Security, hold off. We'll pick this one up on the way out.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Blimey!




At least the Control Room seems in order. Listen carefully, Donovan. Bramwell B. Bramwell is an extremely dangerous bird. I won't even tell you what that bugger did to our associates Carrot Top and Chucky.


Blimey!


As soon as that elevator door opens and you see Bramwell, pull that lever there and he'll be trapped in an interphasic transdimensional bubble.

Hunky-dory. And then what?


The we pull this lever 'ere and bury 'im in polar ice. That way the earth's magnetic field will trap the bubble forever between time an space.

That's the dog's bollocks, it is! North Pole or South Pole?


South. Father bleedin' Christmas raises bloody hell whenever we dump one up his way.

Jolly good!


OK, now. Get ready. 'Ere it comes ...

POOF!

Blimey!


Bloody hell!



I take it we are not dead?