Yum-o!

Note: No animals were injured during the making of this blog entry (except for Ponzi, of course).

Hey, fellas! How did it go?

Like a charm. We got Ponzi!

Yay! I've got the EVOO. Let's cook that puppy uppy!

Let's torture him first

Aw, he's awfully cute. That would be cruel. Let's just eat him. I'm starved.

Yum-o!

I'm out of here, then. Later.

See if he's got my money first.

OK, mutt. Where's the loot? Fork it over.

Arf!

He doesn't have it.

Then, let's commence to cookin', shall we?

Hey, what's going on here? Are you ... cooking ... a dog? That's freakin disgusting. I want in!

Ewww! Who let Bourdain in here?

Hey, I got your 30-minute meal right here, honey.

What's that, a line of coke and a six-pack?

OK, now. Be nice. There's plenty for everybody.

My wife's coming over for dinner, too.

The more the merrier!

Something sure smells good!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present, mixed grill of Ponzi!

Ta da!

In certain Chinese insane assylums, the eyeballs are considered a delicacy.

Oh, man. This is better than crack!

Yum-o!

Mmmmmm.

Hey, I brought dessert!

Death to Ponzi!

Hey, boss. This is my friend Ernie. He's gonna help us snag the pooch.

Great. Glad to have you on board, Ernie. Where's Bacon?

Here I am, Andrew. You probably didn't recognize me in my disguise.

Um, yeah. Nice hat.

OK. Ponzi's leaving the Parallel Westminster Dog Show today in Allentown. When he comes out of the hotel we're gonna snatch him. Here's the plan: Bacon, you drive the truck. Andrew will pretend he's doing a man-on-the-street taste test between deep fried hamster and guinea pig scrotums. He'll offer the scrotums to Ponzi's security guards to distract them. Then Ernie and I will rush in and grab the dog. We'll take Ponzi back to the network test kitchen. If he doesn't pay us what he owes, then, bam, Andrew will cook Ponzi up and eat him just like he ate our money.

Death to Ponzi!

Ponzi is a bad dog.

He certainly is.

And he's liable to be quite palatable. All right, everybody. Let's go!

6 Degrees of Ponzi

Hello, Mr. Sedgwick? This is Bert.

Um, just call me Kev, OK?

Sure Kev. Listen, I heard about your situation with that little dog, Ponzi.

Can you believe that mutt? I thought we were pals. Did you know he ate Larry King's money too? ... Larry King was in "Contact" with John Hurt and John Hurt was in "New York, I Love You" with me. So Ponzi has a Bacon number of 3.

Um, actually. You gave him the money yourself, so there's no degree of separation at all, really.

Oh ... right. OK. He's a 1 then. ... Hey, that makes it even worse!

And he thinks he can get away with it because he's cute. Well, actually he is pretty cute. ... But my boss and I both lost a bundle when Ponzi ate that money. And we have a plan. ...

Dude, whatever it is count me in. ... Hey, did you know your boss has a Bacon number of 4? Anthony Bourdaine was on his TV show. Bourdaine was in "Far Cry" with Kimani Ray Smith. Smith was in "Scary Movie 4" with Cloris Leacman and Cloris was in "New York I love You" with me.

Actually his number is 2. He was on the "Tonight Show" with Felicity Huffman in 2007 and she was on the "Golden Globes" in 2007 with you.

Well, if you count awards shows. Jeez.

Hey, you counted the Travel Network, for Christ's sake.

Bite me, fuzzball.

Up yours, "Footloose" boy! My foot is gonna have a Bacon number of 0 with your ass in a minute! ... Um, gotta go. Nice talkin to ya. Bye.

I'm going to need that bucket

That's all the time we have for the show this week, folks. I bet you didn't know there were so many ways to cook mouse hearts! Or eat them raw if you like, with a sprinkling of parrot pee. Yum. ... And Don't forget to join us next week when I'll be showing you how to eat reptile poop! Until then, I'm Andrew Zinzendorf and this is "The Most Disgusting Things You Can Put in Your Mouth"!

Clear! That's a wrap! Great show, Andrew. Do you need a bucket?

Not today, Bert. I'm good. Great show everybody!

Mayor O'Bama is waiting to see you. Good news I hope.

Bring him in.

A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Zinzendorf. My family and I are big fans of your show. We love to watch you eat horrible, horrible things -- like the time you ate the hooves right off a goat.

A little bit of cloves and butter and those hooves are quite palatable. ... So Mayor, any news about my investments?

I met with President Madoff and, well, the news isn't good. The fund is gone. It seems that his little dog Ponzi ate it.

Ate it? Fifty billion dollars? How could a dog eat something like that?

He's really a cute little guy, that Ponzi. It's hard to stay mad at the little rascal.

Andrew are you OK?

I think I'm going to need that bucket, Bert.

Well Mr. Zinzedorf I can see that you're busy, so I'll be leaving. ... Oh, and the president says he is going to mail you a watch. ... And remember, hope!

Bert, I need to change next week's show. ... Forget the lizard dung, next week I'm eating Ponzi.