Sounds like the poteen talkin'

Welcome to the Irish Brew Works No. 34. Why the long face, chum?

Hi Flo. I guess this whole O'Bama mayoral inauguration thing has me down.

How so? I think it's great. Our first Irish-American mayor. Can you imagine?

Well that's just it. I should be sharing this with Ronan, or even that idiot, the Irish Tenor. But, no. They went off to non-Parallel Time. ... I was supposed to be Ronan's henchman, you know. It says so right over there in the sidebar.

Yeah. It's sad, I guess. And, by the way. I never thought you were dim-witted! ... Who is this Marge broad he's chasing after anyway.

Thanks, Flo. ... Damned if I know. Some floozy, I guess. He says she ate him when he was a boy in another timeline.

Whatever. Sounds like to poteen talkin' if you ask me. ... If I had that Marge here in front of me, I'd give her what-for! ... I hear she's butt ugly.

I wouldn't know. ... Gimme a shot and a porter, Flo.

You got it, chum. And it's on me. Cheer up.

Thanks, Flo. You're the best. ... Hey did you catch President Madoff's inauguration on the tube?

I did! I really like that old guy. I have a good feeling about him. ... And I just love his little dog, Ponzi.

The Eagles are going to the Superbowl!

Well, it looks like the Eagles are going to play in the Superbowl again. How exciting! What is that, four years in a row now?

Five, if you include the one they lost.

How remarkable! What does it say in the newspaper?

It seems Coach Reid says that because he put the players in the right position to win, he should get all of the credit. Here's the best quote: "I am a frickin' genius," Reid shouted at the media, pounding his shoe on the table in front of him. "This team is undefeated. Without me, they would have been 9-7, maybe even 9-6-1. This is the greatest team in NFL history. Why? Because a me. Me. That's M-E for you sportswriters. Who else but me? McNabb? Please. The Player? I don't think so. Westbrook? Don't make me laugh. Me. Me, me, me. Here's an idea -- why don't you all kiss my big red butt? Here it is. You guys in front might need a wide angle lens. Here it is, Philadelphia. Pucker up!"

Oh my. He certainly gets excited after a big game doesn't he?

There's nothing to blog about

There's nothing to blog about any more, Karl. Parallel Time has become so dull.

Hmmmm. Maybe they somethin in these here newspapers. Mmm. Here's this feller who dresses up as a lion for football games got hisself a drunk drivin ticket. Name a James Sheep.

A Sheep in lion's clothing? Nah. Boring.

Hmmm. This here Vietnamese feller was not guilty a holdin up a rock to save his picnic space when some truck told him to move. Hmm.

Nah. Nothing unusual about that.

Hmmm. Says here Senator Molovinski is tryin to get a grant to build a new spaceport for the Irish Brew Works.

Like Allentown needs two spaceports. That has some potential, but I don't do politics.

Hmmm. Here's this feller Joe Driscoll. He says he's runnin for governor in New York and Massachusetts and senator in New Jersey.

I thought he was from Philadelphia.

I reckon Philadelphia already got itself a governor. Mmm.

Nah. No politics.

Hmmm. Says here crime has been eradicated in Allentown ever since they hired them four new police officers. Hmmm.

Nobody cares about crime. But maybe they should have hired them before Ronan started waterboarding everybody.

Vice President Bennett says she done solved the Middle East conflict.

No -- but I think she deserves a Nobel Peace Prize to go with her Nobel Prize for physics.

Hmmm. There's a story 'bout Joe Timmer.

I don't care about hip-hop.

Hmm. Says here they opened a new visitor center at Congress so's the lawmakers don't have to smell the tourists.

I like that one. Too political?

I reckon. ... Hmmm. Cher ...

No.

Says here some folks say they saw a UFO over Allentown. Hmmm. They said they was riding the monorail over by Hess's and they saw this flyin saucer right over the Twin Tofu Turkey Towers.

Now there's a story. ... But probably no one would believe it and everyone would say I'm a kook. You know I have to guard my credibility. ... Heck with it. I think I'll just go over to the Pawlowski Center and see if I can get tickets for the Flyers-Devils game tonight.

Mmm. Hmmm.

____________________________________________________________________

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(That was a close call)

A great player and an even greater man

Wow. I never thought the Eagles would get off to a 9-0 start this year, not with all the trouble The Player caused right before the first game.

Well, I'd say it's a testament to his maturity that he took back his words against the fans and donated this year's salary to the poor.

You know, that's just the way he is. A paradigm of reason ... a great player and an even greater man. A true philanthropist. ... I just wish I could get a bet down. Ever since The Irish Tenor crossed over to non-Parallel Time, I've been unable to track down a reliable sports book.

Well I must say I won't miss that fellow Ronan.

... Or that flock of crows that was following him around. What was that all about anyway?

Oh, apparently in non-Parallel Time his ancestor Cuchulainn made enemies with all corvids by killing a flock of their gods -- the sea ravens -- and leaving the head of their leader on the rocks for all to see. Before that, Cuchuilainn was in good favor with the crows, who had helped him on several occasions.

But all of this happened in the other timeline?

That's how I understand it. ... When the mortally wounded Cuchulainn was slain by Lugaid's magic spear, he tied himself to a pillar of rock so that he could die on his feet. Lugaid's soldiers were afraid to approach him until a crow landed on his shoulder and plucked out his eyes, assuring them that he was dead. Lugaid then cut off Cuchulainn's head.

A fitting end, I guess.

Indeed. And here's another one: I'll take that bishop, thank you very much!

Oh, you're very welcome indeed. Check.

Clever. Luckily I have my knight in reserve ... um ... drat, your queen has me penned in!

Good move. I'll take that rook, thanks. Check again.

Goodness gracious! I seem to be in a bit of a pickle. Is that checkmate in three?

Two, actually, maybe one, depending on your next move. Give up? ... Good game anyway! Are you going to the Pawlowski Center to hear Vice President Bennett speak tomorrow?

I concede. ... I wouldn't miss that speech! I hope she brings her Nobel Prize along.

Stranger things have happened. ... OK, see ya then. We'll pick up the monorail outside Tommie Tomorrow's.

Cheerio!