Caw!
Ah, lads I'm back. Ya see that didn't take long atall. Now, as I pour this water onto this rag here, your angel friend will start to drown. But when I stop pourin the water, she'll come back to us.... At least that's the theory. I have lost a few over the years. After a few times of nearly drownin, maybe she'll be willin to tell old Ronan here how he might get over to non-Parallel time to see his dear sister Marge.
Mmmmm. mmmm.
I didn't catch that, lass. But you'll have a chance for craic after the waterboardin.
She said Marge already ate your sorry ass and you are never gonna go to non-Parallel time. Now you leave that angel alone, freak.
Or what, lad? You'll swing your ethereal fist at me? I can't imagine that would have much effect. Perhaps ye should calm yerself and enjoy the show. POOF! Ah! Who's this, then? Another imaginary friend?
Relax, chum. I was just sent up from the devil's union to observe. Waterboarding an angel? That's down right demonic. ... Between you and me, they're pretty impressed downstairs. There's talk of giving you a medal.
It's all in a day's work isn't it? So tell me, where was yer damn union when me dear sister Marge was killed in that rockslide?
Hey, rules is rules. We only observe. We don't interfere. Well we do interfere, but not as a rule. Ya gotta understand, while Marge was killed here in Parallel Time, you were the one killed in non-Parallel time. So you're both still alive and doing evil works to the detriment of all mankind. Win-win, as the boss likes to say.
So, laddie, how was it that I died in the other time?
Marge ate your damn ass in one gulp, freak! You're nothin but a damn snack!
What's with the spirit? He ain't one of ours.
He's from non-Parallel time ... the three of them.
Ya know, I don't want to take away from your fun here, but when you're done with drownin that angel ... you could cause a lot of trouble if for some reason this green gentleman never sees non-Parallel time again.
Caw! caw!
Hello? Hello? Did someone say my name? Where am I? Am I blindfolded?
It's OK, lad. You were just having a bad dream. You're safe, now. Of course you are tied to a rack in me torture chamber and me face is the last thing you'll ever see before yer slow, agonizing death, but you're safe for now.
Oh, you are good. What's with the crows?
Thanks, lad. The crows? I hadn't noticed. So, lad, ye haven't answered me question. How was it I died in the other world?
Oh, just like he said. Marge ate you.
Take it back. I won't believe it. ... She wouldn't have done that. Not unless she was trapped for days in that cave had to use me dead body for sustenance so that she might live on!
Um, not really. You were only in that cave a couple of minutes before she swallowed you whole. ... I mean, you were much smaller back then.
Never!
Oh, yeah. I'm not crappin' ya pal. Marge is in the hall of fame, even in Parallel Time.
UNHAND THAT ANGEL!
Crap! POOF!
Nice try powder puff, I enjoyed the sound effects. But I've had enough with humoring ghosts for one day. I'll dispense with the torture and I'll be killin these two right now, if you please.
Damn, Michael! You smashed half his torture chamber with one swing of your sword.
Begorra! The big one's for real. I'll be taking me leave.
Mmmmm -- chase him Michael! Smite him! Smite him!
Um, that's not very angelic. Besides, I would be buried in paperwork for months if I smote a semidemon in Parallel Time.
Whoa! This must be a non-smoting area. Ronan said he wanted to come to non-Parallel time to see his sister. But once he found out she ate him, he got pretty pissed off.
Let him come over. Less paperwork.
Hello? Am I still dreaming?
Oh, shut up.
Jaysus, Mary and Joseph, would ya look at me place. It's a wreck.
POOF. I don't think they're gonna help ya clean up, Paddy. Top of the mornin to ya. ... Whoa! That's a lotta bird crap!
Ah, it's the good for nothin green devil himself. It seems a whole murder of crows came in through the damn hole that madman poked in me roof. Who was that who wrecked me place? ... I noticed you didn't stick around for the show. I barely escaped with me life.
That, chum, was St. Michael the Archangel, certified, card-carrying heavenly badass. Doesn't look like you hung around too long yourself, or we'd be pickin bird poop off of pieces of that chrome dome of yours.
Where did they go -- back to non-Parallel Time I suppose?
Sorry, pal, but the boys downstairs have a strict no-interference policy. ... So you didn't hear this from me. ... I understand they're going to arrange some kinda seance to repair the sixth-dimensional rift.
I don't suppose they'll be invitin' old Ronan, eh?
Doubtful. ... But a seance is not the only way to get to non-Parallel Time, ya know.
Oh?
Very nonchalant. I like that. You're good. You have quite a following downstairs, ya know. ... Listen I know you have a score to settle with your sister on the other side.
I can't believe me own dear Marge would eat me alive.
So, ah ... As I said, you got quite a following and ... ah ... I might be willing to show you the way. For a price.
I'm listening, lad.
Well, I'm a football fan. American football to you, of course. That's my vice. Heck, everybody in Hell is a football fan. And I'm a huge Dallas fan. I mean the Cowboy's are Hell's team. We have virtually all of their deceased players, plus coach Landry ... And truth be told, we could use a good wide receiver.
American football's your vice, is it? That coming from a green devil ....
That spirit that was here earlier ... the really annoying one? The Player? We could use him on our team.
That arrogant bastard?! How could ya even stand to be around him, lad?
Hey, who cares? As long as we win.
Well what am I supposed to do about it? He's a spirit. I can't even lay me hands on him. Plus he's got that goon Michael holdin his hand.
Here's all ya gotta do. Once he gets back to non-Parallel Time, Michael and the angels will be done with him. I take you over to non-Parallel time and you get him to come back -- alone. We'll take care of the rest. 
And how do you expect me to do that?
Money. There's nothin this cat won't do for money. ... Deal?
And how do we get to non-Parallel time without the seance and the sixth-dimensional rift and the rest of that malarky?
Simple. We just take the shortcut through Hell. There's an entrance just a few blocks from here. You'll be there in time for Celtic Classic.
There's a gate to Hell ... right here? In Parallel Allentown?
Sure! Haven't ya ever been to Croc Rock? 
Aye, lad, I have. I have indeed. ... Deal.
